French

 I started learning French again. I had been doing things like trying to write in my journal in French for a bit, learn some vocab, try some speaking exercises. But then pretty much a whole year passed without me getting like, even decently proficient at the language. Honestly, don't know how far I'll get in this time around either. I think I have a lot of time on my hands, and this is something I've really wanted to try, which is why I'm doing it. That, and I think I have a better understanding of what I need to do this time around. I read 'Fluent Forever', and at least for the time being I'm looking to stick to this path.

To get to the reason why I started learning French, I have to start from talking about some other books I've been reading lately. I was reading 'A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy', and this other book by Hiroyuki, a popular internet celebrity on Japan, about his theory of effective time management. I don't have to really go through the books in detail, but basically, it helped me realize how much easier things become when you have a reason. Hiroyuki has pretty much lived his whole life, it seems, to maximize the time he gets to spend playing video games and watching movies. And so with that 'philosophy', managing his time becomes a pretty simple idea of just maximizing his time doing things he wants to do, and minimizing other things. With the Stoicism book, what I found interesting were the bits talking about how to persevere through tough personal relationships (like if someone offends you, etc.), ultimately because you know you need to be able to keep your shit together for the bigger goal of, shaping an empire, being active in politics, which is at least what the Romans were doing. 

But regardless of the topic at hand, what seemed important to me was that whether it was Hiroyuki or Sophocles, they had a strong idea of what they wanted to do in life. And if you think about it from a different perspective, if I were to read Hiroyuki's book on how he manages his time without sharing his beliefs on how time ought to be spent (watching as many movies and playing as many games as possible), then it's actually useless to follow his 'tips and tricks'. I mean it's essentially what he says in his book as well. There are these passages where he concludes them by saying '... but I mean if you find pleasure in spending more time on xxx, which I find needless, then by all means go for it'.

So based on what I was reading, it became more clear to me that I wanted to answer the question, "what is my 'philosophy on life'?"

In order to answer that question, I turned to 'The Practice' by Seth Godin. I honestly don't even know why it was this particular book. I think it was because, I knew I wanted to do something creative with my life, and it seemed like this book was well known for helping people find the courage to do so. But anyways, these lines in the book struck me: 

```

"Do what you love" is for amateurs.

"Love what you do" is the mantra for professionals.

```

It kind of made sense to me then. Maybe the important thing isn't to hear my calling so loud I can't ignore it, but to trust that it's still calling even when I don't hear it. 

And so that's why I'm learning French. Reflecting on it, it's pretty different from what Seth Godin had in mind, I think. What good does learning French do for me, for others? Where's the "intent"? That's something I can't answer for myself yet. But what I know is I'm interested in learning French, and I've been interested in a while. I also like writing stupid 'poems' in my little notebook when I have time. There are all these things I enjoyed doing that I've been neglecting, or not taking very seriously. And if there's one thing I've learned from Godin and from books like 'Atomic Habits', it's that a process is a lot more important than a goal. And processes are easier to start, because they can just be about going through flashcards 30 minutes a day, instead of being able to hold a French conversation by the end of the year. And for once, I just want to embark on a journey because I feel drawn to it. To trust myself. It might not work out, but it's better than standing still, I guess.

But at the same time, this reflection does give me things to think about. Like, will my practice wither away if there's no strong intent behind it? I guess this is what Godin was talking about too. Learning to trust. Just trust the process. Trust the curiosity inside of me, trust that it'll lead somewhere positive. I guess that's like, the only thing I have.

I don't know, maybe this is one of those posts that I'll look back on 2 years myself, having not improved French at all, with this weird feeling of embarrassment. Hope I can prove myself wrong! I guess we'll find out!